May 19th, 2010
When someone asks you how to describe yourself what do you say?
I normally say I am an observer of life and shy away from crowds — now that is not really a description of myself, is it? A description can be simple or complex, depending upon the person and purpose. I can say I am five foot four, slender, long brown hair, brown eyes, and have a bump on my nose. That paints a picture of what I look like – that’s a description. But do you know anything about me? No, not really.
So, what’s next? I’m quiet and shy when there are a lot people around, or if I’m somewhere I’m not comfortable. I’m self conscious about my flaws. I’m a clutz, but I’m a good cook. I will lay down my life to protect my children. I’m a giver and a people pleaser. I hate to disappoint anyone and will do everything in my power to see that it doesn’t happen, even at the expense of not getting my own way. I LOVE the ocean and when I go there a sense of calm takes over my senses. When I’m comfortable around a person I laugh from my belly – when I’m not I probably don’t laugh at all.
NOW do you get a sense of who I am? Better – I suppose – and now you are asking what is this all about? I just demonstrated how difficult it is to get to know a character in a novel. How do you take everything I just wrote about myself and portray that through actions in a novel? BUT make them sympathetic and real? (Oh yeah, and keep the story moving?) I guess that is what is called building a character!
So…..how would you describe yourself?
Tags: character, Novel, Youngerman
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May 18th, 2010
While I sit and wait for the final edit to come back for a finished manuscript I write the teaser for the new book. That has been my pattern for the past four novels. Something is different this time. I don’t want to mess it up! If someone actually went back and looked at the teasers and compared them to the beginning of the novels they would see that they don’t match! What actually happens when you are writing a book is that it evolves over the period of the process and what you start out thinking you are going to write is not necessarily what you end up with. In most cases that means the beginning needs to be altered to make it fit with the end.
I am currently writing Disrupted Lives and I know what I want to say and I know where it is going to end, but I am trying so hard to make sure that the beginning is true to where it needs to be.
I am also, for the first time, having a hard time developing these characters. I want to make them real – in a real time frame. I have been researching the history of when they lived and what they must have been feeling, and I feel this ominous responsibility to not mess it up. Strange, considering it’s fiction!
Tags: brenda youngerman, Novel
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April 28th, 2010
I sent the manuscript for Restored Hope to the publisher last week and I am waiting for the editorial review to come back. In the meantime I am waiting – patiently. Well, not so patiently. Let’s just say I’m waiting. They said it will take 2-4 weeks. But I know it won’t take that long, then there is the long wait AND I mean LONG wait for the layout – that takes about a month and then the cover design and approval and then the print design. If I’m lucky I will actually have a copy of Restored Hope in my hand by July 1.
But in the meantime Disrupted Lives is running through my head….now you might be wondering…”How in the world does she finish one book and immediately have another one running through her head?” That’s easy I guess, Disrupted Lives was supposed to be written first – it’s just that Restored Hope jumped in front.
I suppose as an author I give voice to other people – I know they are all fiction and the characters aren’t real, but when I’m writing their stories, they are real and I have no idea where the story is going…it just takes off. Sort of like, I’m waiting for the characters to tell me where they want to go. In all of my other books I knew exactly when, how and where they were going to end. Not true for Restored Hope. “They” told me how to end it.. and it is good!
Oh, I guess that’s not fair is it? Now you all have to wait!
Sorry!
Tags: Fiction with a purpose, Novel, Youngerman
Posted in Fiction with a purpose | No Comments »
December 26th, 2009
When did it become a game of who can pretend to be the happiest person?
Who can live in the best environment and raise the perfect family…now by perfect it no longer means best schools, finest educations, richest neighborhoods. After all WE are in a recession — oh, OR is that over all ready? (I think I missed that part). By perfect family I mean the ‘well adjusted’ family – you know those who can stick together through thick and thin, those who can somehow or another make it as one cohesive unit when the rest of the universe is falling apart around them. The ones who have teenagers that are not going off to get high, or drunk, or god forbid — tattoos or piercings – What would the neighbors think? No, no, no, I mean what would – oh who cares anyway – when all is said and done who really cares what the neighbors think – do you have any idea what is going on inside the neighbors house? Better question: Do you care? If that answer is yes, you might want to go sit down and look in the mirror and ask yourself why.
Posted in Communication, Live each day, children | No Comments »
December 15th, 2009
Odd how it seems that people always turn to God when they have no answers. How is that ’someone’ they cannot see or cannot touch has the answers to everything? I read a blog from someone today about how their child still was bitter about a divorce that occured twenty years ago and they quote the scripture to their child. Again, they quoted “God’s word” Why can’t we use our own words to say that we married the wrong person, or that we simply fell out of love, or better yet, we made a mistake and followed a rainbow and instead of finding a pot of gold, it was a bucket of lead? How naive of us to blame everything or every mistake on God. When do ‘we’ take ownership of our mistakes?
Did God cause this recession? Did God create depression? Are we fighting in the name of God or for God? I guess that depends whose side you’re on, doesn’t it. But then again, there are plenty of people out there that are praying to a different God and whose God is right? I made a REALLY big mistake of voicing my opinion a year ago by telling someone I didn’t believe in God. I have a hard time believing in God, when I was told that my Grandfather, who was an ultra religious Jew was never going to get to heaven because he was a Jew. I thought back on all the histories of the American Indians, and their beliefs and the Jews and their beliefs and the other beliefs and I could not logically understand how all of them could be wrong and only ONE religion could be right. If there really was only one God, how did that work? And it was at that point in time that I stopped believing. No one God could possibly manifest himself (or herself) to make it such that all the previous religions were wrong and only the religion du jour was correct. Perhaps ‘religion’ itself is God and we are all put here to try and figure out the right way to treat each other, and it really it not so much about using ‘God’ as a crutch, but looking inward and doing the right thing.
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September 30th, 2009
Is it me or does the time seem to be whizzing by? It’s October! Wasn’t it just June? I know we are all busy and we have things to do every day, but come on there has to be more than the daily grind. The only reason I even mention this — now don’t start shaking your head when you read this and say to yourself, “Damn, she’s right!” I have this stupid pill container, because I can’t for the love of — remember if I take my pills every day (start shaking!) and I’m already refilling the prescription and I could have sworn it was just last week! How can that be? It’s been a month already? And then — now get this — I only have 7 refills left — that means its been 5 months since I saw the doctor – NOW I know it hasn’t been that long. I was just there – like last month.
Okay, okay, let’s all calm down here. We all live busy lives and time slips through our hands. If any of you are like me, you work a full time job, have your activities you do on the weekends and then you have free time (well, that free time thing seems to have gone away for me)….so this is it…right? We get to look back on this and say, “We made a difference?” or “We had fun.” or “We were here.” or “We were too busy to enjoy it?”
I don’t know about you, but today I had to go to the post office, and if any of you are true fans of my blogs you will see that I recently moved. Well, I moved to a little town right on the ocean (pacific – in case you were wondering). The post office has a perfect view and today was a picture perfect day, ocean was unbelievable, the breeze felt just right, the temperature was neither too hot nor too cold. So did I go from the post office to the beach? How silly of you to ask … of course not! I went to the bank, and then home to make dinner. Because after all, we all know that if dinner gets on the table 30 minutes too late we will never hear the end of it.
Wouldn’t it be nice to go back and get that 30 minutes of time back and do it differently?
Tags: Enjoy each day, Happiness, Time
Posted in Live each day | No Comments »
September 22nd, 2009
Coming home from work today, with more bad news lingering in the air, I wondered how the media can compare what is going on now to “The Great Depression.” If the unemployment rate never got higher than a certain percentage and we are coming nearer to that number — big deal! There are more of us now! Why are we looking at percentages instead of numbers?
The recession is coming to an end? Where – - – I don’t see the prices going down – - I don’t see more money in my paycheck — actually I see less people coming to work and more work being expected out of the few of us that are left. So are the people that we layed off on recess — Is that the recession? They are supposed to be finding new work so the recession is ending? Hmmm, I haven’t seen any new jobs created out there — have you? Actually I hear they are talking about extending unemployment benefits for another 13 weeks. Sounds like 13 more weeks of recess.
I still have a family to feed and no matter how tight I cut the corners at the end of the day I still owe more than I make. I still have more bills than income, I still can’t stop and buy that occasional ice cream cone, just because I feel like it — unless I don’t want to have milk this week. And that makes me depressed, and I know that I am not alone in that boat. Look around, there are a whole lot of percent of depressed people. So maybe this is the Great Depression – or the Greater Depression.
Don’t you think Great Depression is an oxymoron and should go right next to jumbo shrimp and pretty ugly?
Tags: Depression, economy, employment, oxymoron, Social Issues
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August 27th, 2009
I find that writing has turned from a hobby to an obsession.
Has anyone else experienced that as well?
When I wrote my first novel I was unsure of myself. I remember my oldest brother commenting that a first novel is normally biographical. I instantly told him that was not the case with me. I was simply telling a story about things I knew the most about. As my fourth novel is about to come out I find that my brother was right (again!) and that it turned out that my first novel is the most biographic of them so far. Not to say that it is my life, but it is most closely related to my life. The more recent novels, including the 5th and 6th that are being written simulatenously (no simple feat!) have absolutely nothing to do with my life or anything I’ve ever experiened. I also find that when I’m in a situation that is different (or difficult) I wonder how that would play out in a novel. Hence my obsession.
There are so many differenct scenarios we, as a species, go through on a daily basis that seem to be natural, that it is not often that we put ourselves in the other person’s place. I guess I just have come to empathize with the underdog and by writing from their vantage point I hope that maybe someday, somewhere, someone will pick up one of these books and say, “Hey! She has a pretty good point here. Maybe we should listen to what she has to say.” Or maybe I should just pull my head out of the clouds and stop wasting my time. (I sort of think that is not going to happen anytime soon!) But, it would be nice if somebody bought a book now and then!
Until then, I’ll just keep writing……..
Tags: Novels, Social Issues, Writing
Posted in Fiction with a purpose | No Comments »
August 13th, 2009
Have you ever noticed how loud the silence is? Or how light the dark really is? Have you ever really sat back and taken notice of everything that is going on around you, sort of beccome a spectator to your life? An interesting comment, I admit, but think about it for just a mere moment and let it settle into your thought pattern. When was the last time you actually sat somewhere and really observed what was going on around you?
I remember when my kids were little we would go for walks and I would point out the ants that were walking on the ground and we would see if we could find any other living creatures around us. Sometimes it is very hard to stop and smell the roses as it were — just slow down and realize how precious the moments we actually have are — because in the blink of an eye, or a flick of a finger, everything could be gone.
So as you read this, stop, for just a moment, and listen to the silence around you — you might just be surprised at how loud it is.
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July 26th, 2009
Do you remember what it was like to be seventeen? I do! It was horrible. I think Janis Ian summed it up best in her song ‘Seventeen’ – now how many people remember that?
Seventeen is the age when you are so ready to grow up — you know so much more than your parents – after all they are stupid, what do they know? You’re not really a kid anymore, and you’re not really an adult, but your sure want to have all the priveleges that go with being an adult, but none of the responsibilities that go with it.
Seeing how devastating broken homes can be on children, it is no wonder that there are more and more teenagers wandering the streets these days. We as parents will do anything we can to make sure our own children are safe. But sometimes I wonder if we are being blackmailed. I have been a single parent for a very long time, and let’s just say that the other parent has been much more like a child than an adult. He always manages to swoop in and be ‘the good guy’ just in time to make me look like the evil witch of the west. I can only hope someday these kids will realize the truth, but living through it has been less than fun. Now, I have the ultimate pleasure of watching my seventeen year old daughter move out with her boyfriend and become an ‘adult.’
She doesn’t have a job. She’s going to college. He has a job and is never home. How long do you think this ‘honeymoon’ will last? But that’s okay…I’m not seventeen and I don’t know anything! Sometimes tough love is tougher on the person giving it than on the person receiving it.
Hmmmm….maybe the next novel is born…………..
Tags: growing up, maturity, Seventeen
Posted in Independence, children | No Comments »
July 20th, 2009
I never really knew what that meant. Does it mean you’re moving on in life? Moving on in your work? Moving on in your relationship? What? Moving on in a vacation?
I am physically moving out of a house that I never thought I would leave. Now how many people reading this are in the same boat as me? A quick raise of hands???? Oh yeah, I can’t see your hands. Well, you all know who you are, and believe it or not, I know it too.
My eldest and I were speaking on the phone and it really got to me when he said, “Mom, I really never thought I’d ever see the day when you’d move out of that house. I don’t know, I just figured we’d come back there with our kids. It’s just hard to believe that you won’t be there anymore.” Now what are you supposed to say to your child when you hear something like that? I had no words of comfort. Nothing….I drew a blank.
Now mind you, I’m not exactly moving into an old folks home, with a rubber swimming pool and a gate keeper. But it’s not the home my kids grew up in and there aren’t memories in the new house.
I do have to say, it was pretty hard taking all the pictures off the walls. You know, you don’t realize how many pictures you have on the walls until you have to take them off the walls! When did my kids grow up? And when did we stop going on vacations together? It’s like living through the old days as you stuff them into a box. I wonder if it’s going to feel the same way when I put them back on the wall of the new house.
I suppose the only thing I have to hold onto is that I am like thousands of other people in this world today who are doing the exact same thing….down sizing to survive. Is that what moving on means? Huh, I thought it meant leaving a bad situation to find a better one…
You would be amazed at how many people laugh at me when I say…Yup, I’m moving into a new house…just me and my dog!
Tags: economy, Moving
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July 14th, 2009
Has the entire world gone mad? How is it that you can actually enter into an agreement with someone for a purchase price and then an arbitrary entity can come along and tell you that the price you agreed upon is ridiculous?
I sold my house. We went back and forth with an offer, a counter offer, a counter to the counter offer, a counter offer to the counter offer and then a final number. All the documents were signed. Both parties are happy, we’re ready to go forward and THEN the appraiser comes in. (I feel like there should be some music in the background going duh, dun, dun). And the appraiser says, sorry….that price is too high. The house isn’t worth that much. What happened to good old supply and demand? I obviously thought it was worth that much, and the buyer obviously thought it was worth that much…how dare a third party come along and tell us we were both wrong! What the H_ _ _ is this world coming to? So now I have a house I sold, or didn’t really sell… a new house I bought, but can’t buy because I haven’t really sold my current house, movers who can’t move me, carpet layers who can’t come in and lay new carpet, painters who can’t come paint, and on and on and on…..
We really wonder how we got into the mess we are in? How many other people like me are out there? Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?
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July 10th, 2009
I’m about to be kicked out of a hotel that is “pet friendly” because my dog barked too much last night. Now how can you say you’re pet friendly if a barking dog is not allowed? Does a purring cat get kicked out too? I’d have to say that is species discrimination. Maybe I should call my congressman and file a legislative complaint. Think I’d get anywhere?
Now here’s the real rub. I’m told I can’t leave the dog in the room by herself and this hotel has a complimentary breakfast. So I put her on her leash, go down to breakfast and am eyeballing the waffle maker. A very nice man comes up to me and says, “Ma’am, you can’t have the dog here while you wait for a waffle.” Now what am I supposed to do? I can’t leave her in the room, and I can’t have my waffle!” Again …. discrimination (can’t figure out which category, but give me time, I’ll figure it out).
All this dog hotel stuff, because I am killing termites and mice at my house – more animal stuff…..who says animals don’t rule the world?
Tags: Animals, Discriminaation
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July 5th, 2009
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow never comes. But who really enjoys today? We are in such a rush to get things done that we seldom sit back and enjoy what we have sitting right in front of us. That is until it’s too late and it’s gone. Then we lament about all the things we would have done, or could have done, or should have done. That’s the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve talk. I dated a guy (about 15 years ago) that said that all the time. Mind you he was cheating on his wife at the time, so I’m thinking he knew a thing about regrets.
It’s funny this ‘would’ve, could’ve, should’ve,’ thing. When you stop and think about all of them and wonder what would have turned out differently you’d be in such a different place that you might not even recognize yourself. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing? Me? I kind of finally like myself – it’s only taken about half a century to get there, but now that I’ve found it I think I’ll stay here for a while.
I received an email from a man I’ve never met, but that I do business with. He had some harsh words for me, but I took them to heart, and I realized that you get much further in this world by playing by the rules than by being the bull in the china shop. I’ve also come to realize that I have an older brother that has always been here and I haven’t relied on him as much as I should have. (there it is – that old should’ve).
Time is like the wind, once its blown past you, you don’t get it back. Enjoy it while it’s here. There are no ‘do-overs’ in the real world, and most people don’t give you a chance for a fresh start.
Tags: Time
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July 3rd, 2009
When you see the word independence it conjures up so many different meanings. For the forefathers of this country it was the ideology of having a country where the government was run by the people, for the people; no taxation without representation and every voice was to be heard. That was the independence they were talking about – away from King George.
Then you think about the independence an eighteen year old thinks about – the ability to do whatever they want, whenever they want,with whomever they want. That type of independence is only available in a country like ours, where the freedoms we take for granted exist.
Then you think about the independence an abuse victim thinks about. The ability to break free from the abuser and live a life free from fear, free to do what they need to do without looking over their shoulder, or constantly hiding. The type of independence 50% of the common population cannot fathom, or does not choose to discuss.
Then you think about the independence of a parent who has not got an ‘empty nest.’ How do you start all over again when all of the children have grown up and moved away. The job you had for over twenty years is finished and you find yourself living in an empty shell – just a place holder. Now would be the perfect time to seize that independence and make a move for a brand new start. Follow the footsteps of that teenager, or those forefathers and enter the next phase. Carpe Diem!
Tags: Abuse, Independence, Parenting
Posted in Abuse, Independence, children | No Comments »
June 30th, 2009
Isn’t it strange that when you give birth to a child you’ve just signed up for a lifetime job? Even if they don’t like you (or worse….you don’t like them). It’s okay I won’t tell anyone. Your secret’s safe with me. Everyone knows that there are parents out there that have kids just to fill the status quo – you know the average household consists of 2.3 children. Have you ever seen that .3 kid? Totally underrated!
So tonight is the last night I actually have a child ‘officially’ living under my roof — who’d have thought they’d all leave the nest so soon? Now the tricky part is standing back and watching them fly (or fall). I’ve always been one of those parents that tried to let my kids make a mistake – I’d rather have them do it when they were with me than to try it out in the vast ocean of sharks. I was good with the philosophical – “It’s not the mistakes you make that make you who you are, but rather what you do about the mistakes that mark the person.” (I wonder if Ted Bundy’s mother felt that way?) Or even if mine does. Anyone who’s familiar with my novels knows that most of them are drawn on real life and real life situations, so I guess we’re about to veer into unchartered waters. Hope you all like to swim!
Tags: children, Parenting
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June 11th, 2009
I recently took a trip to the east coast…I know some of you are saying..”That’s a trip?” Well, if you follow my blogs you would know that I am born and raised in Southern California, so “Yes! That’s a trip!” Beside the fact that I was, and still am, amazed how the roads are SO different than the freeways of Los Angeles, and the fact that people actually live in houses without fences – I’m still wondering how dogs know where to stop. Or better yet, how do kids know which yard to play in? (But that could be a topic for a totally different blog.) There are many differences between life in LA and life in the wooded area of Maryland or New York. But the reason for this rant today is something that has actually been gnawing at me since I left.
I went back east to see my eldest nephew graduate from West Point – see blog from May 23 – but then I went to Maryland to stay with an old college friend. She said something to me that I cannot get out of my head. She told me that she would be okay if her life ended right now. She’s done everything she’s wanted do and there’s nothing she feels that she’s missed. Her kids are 20, 16 and 11. I can’t help but wonder what that feeling must be like as I sit and look at the pictures of my kids, 20, 19 and 17 and can’t help but look forward to seeing them get married and have children. I’m so looking forward to being a grandmother – (NOT right away )if you’re reading this! I still have so many things I haven’t done or seen. At the time she said that to me I didn’t know how to respond, but now I think my response would have to be, “How sad.”
Tags: death, Family, friends, life
Posted in One person can make a difference, children | No Comments »
June 9th, 2009
Please — someone tell me that there is not a blog and a twitter going around following the President of the United States of America cataloging everything he eats! Get a grip people!! Does anyone else realize how absolutely absurd this is, or am I in the minority here? So the man likes his pizza – we fly a guy in from St. Louis to Washington D.C. to make pizza? One simple little, itty bitty question here: who’s paying for this? Are we or are we not hurting for money? OH….I forgot, he’s the President, what we do, doesn’t apply to him anymore. He’s not Joe Average American. I’m sorry…please forgive me. I just thought for one simple minute that maybe the man who ran for President claiming to know what it was like to be an average citizen would still remember it once he crossed that threshold. Guess not!
I guess we should be glad he didn’t want that special treat from Hawaii!
How is this even justifiable when thousands of people do not have enough money to put food on their tables every day???? Parents are going hungry so their children can eat and this is what we read about —- What’s next?
Posted in Fiction with a purpose, One person can make a difference | No Comments »
