Archive for the ‘children’ Category

Keeping up with the…..oh heck…keeping up with ourselves

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

When did it become a game of who can pretend to be the happiest person?

Who can live in the best environment and raise the perfect family…now by perfect it no longer means best schools, finest educations, richest neighborhoods. After all WE are in a recession — oh, OR is that over all ready? (I think I missed that part). By perfect family I mean the ‘well adjusted’ family – you know those who can stick together through thick and thin, those who can somehow or another make it as one cohesive unit when the rest of the universe is falling apart around them. The ones who have teenagers that are not going off to get high, or drunk, or god forbid — tattoos or piercings – What would the neighbors think? No, no, no, I mean what would – oh who cares anyway – when all is said and done who really cares what the neighbors think – do you have any idea what is going on inside the neighbors house? Better question: Do you care? If that answer is yes, you might want to go sit down and look in the mirror and ask yourself why.

Posted in Communication, Live each day, children | No Comments »

Seventeen

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

Do you remember what it was like to be seventeen? I do! It was horrible. I think Janis Ian summed it up best in her song ‘Seventeen’ – now how many people remember that?

Seventeen is the age when you are so ready to grow up — you know so much more than your parents – after all they are stupid, what do they know? You’re not really a kid anymore, and you’re not really an adult, but your sure want to have all the priveleges that go with being an adult, but none of the responsibilities that go with it.

Seeing how devastating broken homes can be on children, it is no wonder that there are more and more teenagers wandering the streets these days. We as parents will do anything we can to make sure our own children are safe. But sometimes I wonder if we are being blackmailed. I have been a single parent for a very long time, and let’s just say that the other parent has been much more like a child than an adult. He always manages to swoop in and be ‘the good guy’ just in time to make me look like the evil witch of the west. I can only hope someday these kids will realize the truth, but living through it has been less than fun. Now, I have the ultimate pleasure of watching my seventeen year old daughter move out with her boyfriend and become an ‘adult.’

She doesn’t have a job. She’s going to college. He has a job and is never home. How long do you think this ‘honeymoon’ will last? But that’s okay…I’m not seventeen and I don’t know anything! Sometimes tough love is tougher on the person giving it than on the person receiving it.

Hmmmm….maybe the next novel is born…………..

Tags: , ,
Posted in Independence, children | No Comments »

Moving On…..

Monday, July 20th, 2009

I never really knew what that meant. Does it mean you’re moving on in life? Moving on in your work? Moving on in your relationship? What? Moving on in a vacation?

I am physically moving out of a house that I never thought I would leave. Now how many people reading this are in the same boat as me? A quick raise of hands???? Oh yeah, I can’t see your hands. Well, you all know who you are, and believe it or not, I know it too.

My eldest and I were speaking on the phone and it really got to me when he said, “Mom, I really never thought I’d ever see the day when you’d move out of that house. I don’t know, I just figured we’d come back there with our kids. It’s just hard to believe that you won’t be there anymore.” Now what are you supposed to say to your child when you hear something like that? I had no words of comfort. Nothing….I drew a blank.

Now mind you, I’m not exactly moving into an old folks home, with a rubber swimming pool and a gate keeper. But it’s not the home my kids grew up in and there aren’t memories in the new house.

I do have to say, it was pretty hard taking all the pictures off the walls. You know, you don’t realize how many pictures you have on the walls until you have to take them off the walls! When did my kids grow up? And when did we stop going on vacations together? It’s like living through the old days as you stuff them into a box. I wonder if it’s going to feel the same way when I put them back on the wall of the new house.

I suppose the only thing I have to hold onto is that I am like thousands of other people in this world today who are doing the exact same thing….down sizing to survive. Is that what moving on means? Huh, I thought it meant leaving a bad situation to find a better one…

You would be amazed at how many people laugh at me when I say…Yup, I’m moving into a new house…just me and my dog!

Tags: ,
Posted in children | No Comments »

Independence Day

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

When you see the word independence it conjures up so many different meanings. For the forefathers of this country it was the ideology of having a country where the government was run by the people, for the people; no taxation without representation and every voice was to be heard. That was the independence they were talking about – away from King George.

Then you think about the independence an eighteen year old thinks about – the ability to do whatever they want, whenever they want,with whomever they want. That type of independence is only available in a country like ours, where the freedoms we take for granted exist.

Then you think about the independence an abuse victim thinks about. The ability to break free from the abuser and live a life free from fear, free to do what they need to do without looking over their shoulder, or constantly hiding. The type of independence 50% of the common population cannot fathom, or does not choose to discuss.

Then you think about the independence of a parent who has not got an ‘empty nest.’ How do you start all over again when all of the children have grown up and moved away. The job you had for over twenty years is finished and you find yourself living in an empty shell – just a place holder. Now would be the perfect time to seize that independence and make a move for a brand new start. Follow the footsteps of that teenager, or those forefathers and enter the next phase. Carpe Diem!

Tags: , ,
Posted in Abuse, Independence, children | No Comments »

Parenting

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Isn’t it strange that when you give birth to a child you’ve just signed up for a lifetime job? Even if they don’t like you (or worse….you don’t like them). It’s okay I won’t tell anyone. Your secret’s safe with me. Everyone knows that there are parents out there that have kids just to fill the status quo – you know the average household consists of 2.3 children. Have you ever seen that .3 kid? Totally underrated!

So tonight is the last night I actually have a child ‘officially’ living under my roof — who’d have thought they’d all leave the nest so soon? Now the tricky part is standing back and watching them fly (or fall). I’ve always been one of those parents that tried to let my kids make a mistake – I’d rather have them do it when they were with me than to try it out in the vast ocean of sharks. I was good with the philosophical – “It’s not the mistakes you make that make you who you are, but rather what you do about the mistakes that mark the person.” (I wonder if Ted Bundy’s mother felt that way?) Or even if mine does. Anyone who’s familiar with my novels knows that most of them are drawn on real life and real life situations, so I guess we’re about to veer into unchartered waters. Hope you all like to swim!

Tags: ,
Posted in children | No Comments »

Are you finished yet?

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

I recently took a trip to the east coast…I know some of you are saying..”That’s a trip?” Well, if you follow my blogs you would know that I am born and raised in Southern California, so “Yes! That’s a trip!” Beside the fact that I was, and still am, amazed how the roads are SO different than the freeways of Los Angeles, and the fact that people actually live in houses without fences – I’m still wondering how dogs know where to stop. Or better yet, how do kids know which yard to play in? (But that could be a topic for a totally different blog.) There are many differences between life in LA and life in the wooded area of Maryland or New York. But the reason for this rant today is something that has actually been gnawing at me since I left.

I went back east to see my eldest nephew graduate from West Point – see blog from May 23 – but then I went to Maryland to stay with an old college friend. She said something to me that I cannot get out of my head. She told me that she would be okay if her life ended right now. She’s done everything she’s wanted do and there’s nothing she feels that she’s missed. Her kids are 20, 16 and 11. I can’t help but wonder what that feeling must be like as I sit and look at the pictures of my kids, 20, 19 and 17 and can’t help but look forward to seeing them get married and have children. I’m so looking forward to being a grandmother – (NOT right away )if you’re reading this! I still have so many things I haven’t done or seen. At the time she said that to me I didn’t know how to respond, but now I think my response would have to be, “How sad.”

Tags: , , ,
Posted in One person can make a difference, children | No Comments »